For the majority of my life I have felt lied to, like people were too scared to actually tell me how they felt about me. I can explain why I felt this way, but I know it's made me feel uncomfortable. I have been lied to for the majority of my romantic life and have lost many friends who have ghosted me and have not bothered to actually keep in touch, in some ways I feel like I have fallen to a trend of meeting liars, maybe it's because I have lied to myself or maybe it's because I don't trust anyone, not even myself.
This is something I struggle with, feeling like the people you meet are in some ways liars and not really telling you the truth of who you are. It's like we all put on some sort of facade of who we are just to become slaves to the laws of attraction. In someways I believe that people are like coins, there are two sides, but not everyone wants to show both sides of themselves.
I strive to be authentic, to be honest, and to speak the truth of who I am, but I also believe that it is the very thing that has kept me from being close with someone. It's the thing that pushes people away. I believe it hurts realizing that you can not be true to yourself to compromise for the attraction of others. By attraction I mean this from all forms, friendship, love, sex, just having the ability to be comfortable with the self. During the writing of this album, I am learning and have learned to live more honestly.
There is a relief and a pain that comes with being honest. The relief is knowing that you no longer have to live your life in a dishonest way, the pain is dealing with the loneliness that comes with it. I no longer like to sugar coat things to appease the ego of others around me. I should not be slave to others desires or expectations and more so I should not be a slave to my own past or desire to be approved. This song describes my disdain for fake people and why I believe no one should have to compromise themselves to feel accepted.
Currently in my life, I am in a process of discerning who I am, what friends I want to be around, finding my own path, but doing it honestly. I sing this song and share it for people who feel lost just like I have felt lost, for people who don't really think going to punk shows will make them find friends, for people who wander but yet still feel lost because they are still trying to find the place that they belong in. As the great J.R.R. Tolkien states " Those who wander aren't always lost."
I am a man who does not have much of a personal love/sex life( to be honest none at all), but I am known by many as a reliable friend. I may be thankful for my friendships, but I even find myself feeling exhausted maintaining friendships with people who do not reciprocate or really take the effort to show that they value me for who I am. I am seeking a way of maintaining my friendships honestly and taking away fake relationships where I am not able to be myself. I genuinely believe it is very painful having to compromise who you are and what you stand for for the sake of finding comfort , because once you come to the realization that the people you hung out with and the person you were attracted to actually are not good for you, it's crippling.
I think there is a inner conflict within each and everyone of us to share with ourselves of who we are. No one knows what really makes us attractive in the pursuit of romance. So how do we know how to honestly attract someone? No one understands how to really make friends, it somewhat just happens. But at what cost? In some cases we compromise the truth of ourselves by only showing a bit of who we are to find attraction, to have sex, to make friends, to get a job, etc. In other ways we inflate or manipulate situations and stories. But what happens when the truth is revealed and we are not able to handle the honesty of ourselves? Most run away, but I believe that it is better to live honestly. Live with the pain of being comfortable with who you are and to make friends, to have a romantic life, and to make real colleagues without the need to hide anymore.
Thank You for reading.