In honor of National Suicide Prevention Week I want to share a series of songs that I have written about Suicide. Many of the songs I have written over the past few years have lyrics or themes dealing with my own self hatred and struggling to find comfort within myself.
A few years ago I put out Confessions of the Innocent Mind, a two song EP about the darkness that lies within me. The second song on this EP, Save, is a promise to myself not to kill myself.
I wrote this song my senior of college at Penn State while I was heavily intoxicated. I was not sure if I wanted to live another day and planned on jumping off the balcony of my apartment building. After taking another swig of alcohol my roommate walked in to my apartment and I hesitated to jump off and decided to go inside and play my guitar. I started crying over my guitar and wanted to make a promise to myself never to try to kill myself again and I wrote Save.
The song is a description of myself feeling lost and feeling that my life an purpose in my own life is meaningless. I never felt like I meant anything to anyone, because I never found meaning within myself. In some ways I think that very void is what made me feel like I don't have any self respect for myself.
Today I am in a better place with a better support system, but every time I do sing this song I hope that I can share my journey and pain that I have experienced with finding self worth with others so that they know that they can see that there is always another way out than giving into the pain of self harm.
Remember you are never alone, and to find the very light within yourself to find your purpose. In some ways that is what helps me find peace within myself.