Hopeless to Hopeful: A Day Without Love 4 Years Later
I think this is a weird time for me to post, because I should be writing music and not writing about my emotions. I wanted to reflect and share what is going on in my mind. Four years and a month ago I was in a really dark place mentally. I don't know any other way to say it, but I wanted to kill myself. I didn't have a plan on how I was going to do it, but I wanted to. My purpose for living was meaningless. I was in graduate school, I felt ex communicated by most of my peer groups, going home to Philadelphia was the only time I felt safe, I was playing in a band I didn't particularly enjoy and I felt like there was not a point to playing my own music. I didn't trust myself to put myself out there because I was scared of what people thought of me and I was too afraid to try. I stuck to open mic bubbles and didn't bother to each out anywhere else because I didn't feel like I was hipster or punk enough. Life was hard and I felt like giving up. To say the least 24 was not a fun year for me. I was homeless during some time of my last year of graduate school because of Hurricane Sandy and slept on friends couches. What did I do to cope other than drowning myself in vices? I wrote a record.
After leaving A Day Without Love for two years from 2011 to 2013 and not doing any shows, I revitalized this project and decided to get serious and write about my pain. I wanted to rethink about writing about the human condition and write about my own emotions. So I wrote Island.
Today, Island is 4 years old, listening to it feels weird because that record is not me anymore. I feel weird because the bands I played with before are no longer bands or stopped playing music. Some are now parents of children and I am still touring. Where am I? I guess I am still trying to make something out of myself musically and personally.
My life is by no means perfect, I am still very broke and striving to achieve a sustainable life and become happier, but what is different is I see a light inside of my darkness. I feel I have improved my sense of self worth and having a drive to live. Island was the start of being honest with myself and I am thankful that people have resonated with it.
I am nowhere near the finish line and I don't think I reached my potential, but it feels good to say that I am no longer hopeless and I feel hopeful about my future. I want to thank my label, my manager, God, my grandma, my late grandpa, and my friends for giving me a second chance to shine brighter and be able to embrace the positive and negative side to my life to empower others. I look forward to the next few weeks of shows and if you want to download Island feel free to do so on the website by clicking here . Island is also available at the links below. Proceeds will be used to help travel and lodging costs during tour.
Thank you all for helping me believe in myself and feel that I can do better just a little bit each day.