Today is Monday, October 9th, 2023, and my record drops on Friday October 13, 2023. I will be honest I feel fearful. I feel fearful because every record I have made I thought was great, but often my records put me in some form of financial debt. Today I am currently in 102,000 dollars worth of debt inclusive of car, credit, and student debt and much of it is related to playing music.

I can’t help but feel paralyzed about my life decisions especially given I have yet to feel successful or be fiscally sustainable in my pursuits or ambitions.

Many in my peer groups speak about “the album that changed my life” I don’t know if I have the ability to do that for others, I am not sure if my music or my personality helps others, if anything I feel very afraid that I am not enough and as I type this blog I feel afraid most people don’t understand me.

I’ve tried a lot of different things on this record, and I tried my best to make it cohesive and I am not sure if this record will be felt by others like I want the record to be felt.

After years of trauma, surviving heartbreak, abuse, and the lost of loved ones all I can do as a musician is keep trying. If this record does not get heard or seen in my community then all I can do is move forward.

I know these feelings are temporary, but I hope that I am able to get the financial support through sales and concerts to be able to keep moving forward as an artist.

PS : The freemium model never served me as a marginalized model , giving things away for free made me broke, not supported.

Brian

ADWL